Slayers FOREVER The Madness Continues!
by Gigaworks
Summary: Will the Slayers have some time off? Not likely. And if multiple Zels and a certain priest who won't die isn't bad enough, what about cosplayers and a schizo dragon?
1. All For the Want of A Meal

Foreword: Where & When Slayers FOREVER Fits (or doesn't)   
  
When our group started the creation of Slayers Forever, we chose to use elements and characters introduced in the H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi TV Series "Slayers Try." Since then, however, we have gone on a most wild and capricious tangent, resulting in a story that greatly contradicts the series "Try." On the down side, this series is inaccurate and not completely compatible with the authentic Slayers series; On the other hand, No Spoilers!!!   
  
In the end, I hope you have as much fun reading Slayers Forever as we did writing it. While it's not 100% accurate, any audience that can watch blue, rocky bishonens and 16 year old girls able to level mountains shouldn't have too many problems ignoring facts.   
  
-Paper Tiger, Editor  
  
SLAYERS FOREVER   
by the crazed individuals of GigaWorks*  
  
*We can take credit for none of the characters or elements presented below. All of them are copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi; except for one! (Can you guess where he/she is copyrighted to?)   
  
{check out the website at http://www.angelfire.com/va3/slayersforever/forever/start2.html}  


* * *

  
  
EPISODE #1: All For the Want of A Meal   
  
Zelgadis rose from the rough sheets and blinked his eyes repeatedly. Throwing back the curtains revealed little more than a violet sky and a still dark skyline. Good, dawn wouldn't come for at least another hour. He looked back onto the bed to find Gourry still loudly snoring on the other side. How he could sleep with full armor on was anyone's guess.   
  
After taking a quick bath, Zelgadis washed his face in the basin, rubbing his face dry with the coarse but unnaturally white inn towel. He peered into the mirror and his hand instinctively fell to the shaving razor sitting at the edge of the sink. Only when Zel brought the metal blade to his rocky, chimerical skin did he realize the comedy in his mistake. He had been transformed for more years than he wanted to remember, but each morning he still thought of shaving. He held the razor in his hand and chuckled for a moment before he slammed it hard against the edge of the porcelain sink. Every morning.   
  
Zelgadis wiped his hand across the steamed mirror; in it he saw everything he hated. The rock-strewn, golemous and disfigured features of his face; they were nothing, the icing on the cake, the salt in the wound. He loathed his reflection for one reason.   
  
His eyes. It is a common belief that you can spot a liar by the look in their eyes. Zelgadis had been telling the truth his entire life, but still, his eyes never lost the appearance of a fraud.   
  
The reflection shred any remaining of doubt in Zel's mind. He placed his beige tunic and hood over his head, buckled his belt, and grabbed his pack on the way to the door. He could no longer live with the lie.   


* * *

  
"More music, my queen?"   
  
Lina waved aside the servant as she was far too preoccupied with her bowl full of pealed grapes, being fed to her by a hunky male specimen in a loincloth.   
  
"Sure, whatever," she answered through a smile.   
  
Lina surveyed the large throne room filled with jesters, epic poets, and servants. The jesters were doing the best to entertain her continuously, the poets were furiously trying to write her every word for posterity's sake, and the servants had their hands and legs full carrying out her every whim. Anyone else in the room was merely bowing.   
  
Despite the whole display, Queen Lina Inverse felt a little empty. She turned her head to either side, seeing no one but groveling dukes. She was missing something.   
  
Lina snapped her fingers. "Of Course!" She pressed a button on the side of the throne. It started to zoom across the throne room, floating to the large balcony on the other side. Below the open terrace was thousands of screaming followers (and that was just within the castle.) Beyond the walls stretched loyal admirers, as far as the eye could see, spanning past the horizon.   
  
THAT was what Lina was missing.   


* * *

  
Gourry chewed on the collar of his tunic as he tiptoed down the hallway, peering to either side at the neat, intricate woodcarvings along the wall. He sighed, knowing they would soon be burnt to cinders. He continued along the hallway, stopping at the last door. Lina's room. Gourry swallowed hard before he reached for the knob. Lina had instructed him countless times before never to wake her up earlier than noon under threat of DragonSlave (unless it was an emergency.) This was in fact an emergency, so Gourry expected he'd get off easy with a Val-Flare.   
  
Gourry opened the door to see Lina, in her cute yellow pajamas, on her lacy rented sheets... gnawing fiercely upon her feather pillow. Her eyes were darting rapidly beneath her eyelids, and she lazily talked to servants that weren't there. _Great,_ Gourry thought, _she's already moved on to the "Royal Banquet"._ He was as good as toasted. Sighing with increasing weight, he walked towards the bed. With the very tip of his boot, Gourry tapped Lina on her shoulder. Nothing. Again, he prodded her, trying to keep the majority of himself at of arm's length. On the third poke, Lina started to respond, murmuring under her breath and (by reflex) trying to bite Gourry's foot.   
  
Gourry sighed a third time, this time his shoulders coming down to his knees. He crept one step closer to the bed, shook the teen violently, and made a mad dash for the door.   
  
_I'm going to make it, I'm going to make it, I'm going to-_   
  
"Fireball!"   
  
Gourry was about to wonder how he was going to "fireball", but this train of thought became interrupted by a magical explosion of flame that sent him airborne down the hallway.   
  
Lina sat up in bed, one hand scratching her head while the other held in a yawn. She stuck out her tongue, and for reasons unknown to her, pulled a feather out of her mouth.   
  
"Good morning to you, too," Gourry said sarcastically as a he crawled through what was once a doorway. He coughed a tiny cloud of smoke.   
  
Lina snorted and looked at the charred Gourry as she clasped on her shoulder-pads and cape.   
  
"Serves you right, waking me up like that for no reason. Now let's go, I'm hungry!"   
  
She grabbed him by the back of his collar and dragged him down the hall stairs to the main area. Throwing herself into a chair at an empty table, she waved over a waitress. Breakfast awaited.   
  
"But I do have a reason," Gourry whispered to Lina as she tied her napkin around her neck. "We have an Emergency! We're out of money!"   
  
The inn waitress came over to the table with the young redhead girl and the tall blond. "Good morning," she said with a chipper, genki-like smile. "What would you-"   
  
She opened her eyes to find the table empty. She shook her head in confusion.   
"I could have sworn..."   


* * *

  
  
Zelgadis bent over at his waist, relieved to have finally shaken off the fat clergyman. It had been more than worth his effort. From beneath his cloak he withdrew an intricately carved glass bottle filled with a burgundy liquid. Uncorking and raising the bottle to his lips, he swilled two thirds of its content before his wrist lowered. He stood posed and brimming with pride, but a bit of his mirth faded with each second that ticked away. He threw the bottle to the ground but it refused to break, instead landing with a loud thump.   
  
Awkward as the beaker was, Zelgadis tried to keep focus on returning to back to normal. That stuff he stole should have worked! Feeling like a patsy, Zelgadis dashed down streets, his hands clenched with rancorous determination. He's return back to that temple and....  
  
His eyes returned to the finely-made glass bottle. It was mostly empty, but Zel's latent curiosity was awakening. Zel weighed the bottle in his hands, beginning to wonder if-  
  
Zelgadis's train-of-thought was interrupted by the staggered accusations of an overweight priest barreling in his direction. The chimera fastened the container to his belt, for he knew there was a proper time and place for pondering... and a time and place for fast escapes.   


* * *

  
  
"What do you mean we're out of money?"   
  
While wincing at the earthshaking volume of Lina's inquest, Gourry looked around to make sure they weren't causing a scene. He turned his head in Lina's direction, but he could not for the life of him make eye contact.   
  
"I mean Zelgadis was the only one who had money, and he wasn't in our room. He's upped and left!"   
  
Lina folded her arms across her chest. Zelgadis's departure couldn't be avoided, and he'd have several hours gain on them in who-knows-what direction. Amelia could have picked up the bill, but she would be have been halfway back to Seyruun by now.   
  
"All right," Lina declared, "we need money. So, we can do one of two things: Take up small jobs or run across a small posse of bandits." She led him down the street, her eyes darting from side to side, looking for temporary employment (and for any random ruffians.)   
  
"Either way, we need cash." She glanced back at Gourry. "Are you sure you don't have any money? I'm so hungry..."   
  
"Well..." he replied while shielding his face, "I-I spent the last of it on this."   
  
He pulled from his pocket a wooden toy duck. It bobbed about in his hand innocently. "Isn't he cute?" he asked, holding it out with one arm for Lina to see (whilst with the other arm shielded his face from almost certain doom.)   
  
Lina stared at the wooden duck for a second, collecting her thoughts. Glancing back at Gourry, the collection blew apart.   
  
"You mean to tell me that you spent the last of our money on a TOY!!!" She face-palmed, her head shaking from side to side. _Well,_ she thought, _might as well let him keep that thing for awhile. But next time, I'm carrying the money._   
  
"It's very... cute, Gourry. Now come on, we need fast cash."   
  
As they started walking down the dusty road, a figure in beige sheik-wear darted past them, cutting them off at a street corner. The figure turned around to look behind him, allowing Lina and Gourry to catch a glimpse of his rocky face.   
  
Following close behind the chimera was an overweight bearded man, shouting and cursing himself red. The majority of his profanity was directed towards his quarry, but every now and then he was damning the red and black robes he wore (over which he was consistently tripping.) He too turned the corner in front of Lina and Gourry, again cutting them off.   
  
"What could that be about?" Gourry asked, quite puzzled.   
  
_Zelgadis,_ Lina thought.   
  
She turned her eyes to Gourry and shrugged at his comment. "Don't know, but I say we should follow him. And who knows, maybe he's found some treasure and is trying to keep it to himself!"   
  
Hearts throbbed in her eyes at the thought of gold, jewels, money, and all sorts of goodies. Shaking her head out of it, she jumped up, landing atop a nearby rooftop. About to run, she remembered that Gourry wouldn't know better to follow. So, she yelled down to him.   
  
"C'mon Gourry, lets go! We have to catch up with Zelgadis!" She put a fisted right hand up level to her nose, and rested the other hand on the small muscle of her upper arm. "Annnd, I want to see if he's got anything interesting!"   
  
Turning away again, she ran from rooftop to rooftop, chasing Zelgadis (or at least the dust he was leaving behind.) From below, Gourry's voice stopped her.   
  
"Which Zel do you want me to follow?"   
  
"What kind of stupid question is that-"   
  
Lina Inverse looked up to see Xellos sitting on a chimney directly in front of her. With the same genki look on his face as he always had, he pointed to something directly behind Lina. Turning, she saw, of all people;  
  
Zelgadis.   
  
Gourry, of course, had no idea what was going on, but he shrugged and figured Lina had that Zel covered. Meanwhile, the Zelgadis that he was supposed to catch was gaining a good lead on him. "Hey Zelgadis! Wait up!"   
  
A face-fault later, the befuddled Lina Inverse approached her comrade on the rooftop, making sure to keep her distance (something was up.) Zelgadis was standing straight up, but his muscles were tense, almost hair-trigger. The only motion Lina saw was the slow fluttering of his off-white cape.  
  
"You spooked me, Zel. I guess this saves me the trouble of-"   
  
Before she could finish the sentence, Zelgadis bounded off of the roof and disappeared into the darkness of the alley below. Lina rushed to the edge, but sighed at his absence. Having little luck with the facts at hand, Lina swiveled in Xellos's direction.   
  
"Just what are you doing here?" she probed. "Are you behind that extra Zelgadis?"  
  
Xellos stared smugly at Lina and fingered the reddish orb on his staff.   
  
"What am I doing here?" he replied with a smile, "Lina, you ought to know better than to ask THAT. And if I was to pretend to be Zelgadis, I would certainly have done a better job. No, the extra Zelgadis wasn't me, but please try figure out the rest on your own... Its sooo boring if I give it all away."   
  
Xellos vaporized with a "shah" and reappeared outside of Lina's view. On a chimney pot, he waited for the remainder of the plot to unfold from his "box-seat".   
  
Gourry, meanwhile, had been managing to close the gap between his chimerical friend and himself. He had almost passed the clergyman on Zelgadis's tail when a large rumbling interrupted him. Gourry curled into a ball on the ground, clutching his stomach.   
  
"food....   
gotta have food."   
  
Gourry crawled melodramatically back to where he'd seen Lina and the other Zelgadis. Maybe she had luck than him.   
  
Lina scratched her head in confusion. So, Xellos wasn't behind the Zelgadis on the rooftop. But, he was surely up to something. That trickster was always up to something. She looked over the building's edge to see Gourry crawling like a dying raccoon... meaning the other Zelgadis had badgered off as well. She prepped her hands in a fireball position, but her anger faded with a sigh. It wasn't his fault (neither of them were at 100%.) And, if her woman's intuition was correct, something fishy was up.   


* * *

  
  
Lina and Gourry walked up and down marketplace, their eyes scanning vigilantly. Or more specifically, Lina scanned vigilantly while Gourry's stared vapidly into space.   
  
"What are we doing again?" he asked for the seventeenth time within that quarter-hour.   
  
"We are LOOKING for a job to get some MONEY so we can EAT. UNDERSTAND?!?"   
  
Silence answered her question.   
  
Lina sighed and continued to look around the storefronts. They had been looking for a job since noon, but they had failed to see a single "Waitress Needed" or "Help Wanted" sign (not that Lina was enthusiastic about serving tables, but it was for the sake of food.)   
  
"Oooh, Lina, I found one!"   
  
Lina nearly did a double-take. Had Gourry finally come through for her? Could he possibly have done something _right_? After failing to get a glimpse over the shoulder of the seven-foot swordsman, Lina scrambled under his arm to leer at what Gourry had seen.   
  
"That's an advertisement, you dope!" Lina asserted audibly as well as with her fist.   
Still, Lina stared curiously at the flier. It was the wording that grabbed her attention:   
  
**DO YOU NEED A CHANGE?   
Come to the Temple of Alchemy**   
301 'Temple Row', South Side of Armadillous  
  
"I wonder if Zelgadis saw the flyer..." Lina pondered aloud.   
  
"And look at this flyer!" Gourry motioned to an adjacent ad, this one rendering unmistakably the monk they had seen chasing Zelgadis (beard and all.)   
  
"The most respected Priest in town, Friar Mikshen," Lina read to Gourry. "Visit him at the Temple of Restoration, 303 'Temple Row'."   
  
"Do you think it's worth checking out?" the blond inquired.   
  
"Since they're right next to each other, I bet it is." Lina rubbed her chin. 'Temple Row' contained where Zel had likely been and where he was likely to show up.   
  
"Then we'd better get moving, both temples are on the other side of town."   
  
Lina turned around to be face to face with Xellos. His eyes were closed and he wore his usual puckish grin. For once, it was Gourry who tried to place the trickster's motives.   
  
"Are you actually going to help us out for once, or are you going to desert us at the most inconvenient moment like you always do?"   
  
"Probably," Xellos answered manner-of-fact-ly. He normally didn't like to reveal information, but fact was fact.   
  
"All right," Lina pronounced with a sigh, "Let's get this show on the road."   


* * *

  
  
A short time later, Gourry and Lina could be seen heading south, bickering over something inconsequential. Following the ragtag duo on foot was Xellos. Whatever his opinion was of the topic in question, he kept it to himself.   
  
In the middle of giving Lina a piece of his mind (relatively speaking), Gourry stumbled around the corner to find the city's "Temple Row". The street (on both sides) was filled with dozens of temples, each sign flashier than the last. Though in the Slayers Universe they had yet to develop neon lights, magic had more than leveled the playing field, making Temple Row impossible to miss. Signs like Free Readings', Discount Baptisms', and Open 24 Hours' adorned impressive stone churches and mosques.  
  
But the most awe-inspiring temple had to be the massive, dark, and ominous building at the end of the block. A black ziggurat, spanning 20 floors easy. The jet-black marble of the building seemed to suck in the light emitted from neighboring temples. From the top of the pyramidal colossus shone a red beacon, one that revolved around menacingly.   
  
Gourry's focus then turned to the temple sitting just right of the black construct; the temple decorated with orange and maroon flags. Stripes and checker patterns encircled the outer walls. On the face of the tacky temple, circling a stone dragon, priests had carved four symbols; the elements wind, water, fire, and earth. Of course, the symbols could be interpreted as stink, pear, feather, and corn meal, but odds were the latter combination was not accurate. Either way, there was unmistakably a dragon in the middle.   
  
Gourry's focus flickered back and forth from the tower of terror to the temple of tack. "What do you think?" he asked, turning to Lina. Lina was not quick to respond.   
  
Muttering angrily to herself, Filia stalked out of the gaudy-looking temple. Not noticing where she was going, she accidentally bumped into Lina.   
  
"Oh, I'm very sorry."   
  
Filia reflexively apologized without recognizing Lina and Gourry, then walked away, still muttering to herself. Lina, who had been inquisitively gazing at the tacky lights (before she was** rudely** interrupted), heard the stranger's muttering and immediately got mad. _How dare someone run into the Great Sorcery Genius Lina Inverse and not _BEG_ for mercy!_   
  
"Look where you're-" She paused and noticed a very familiar mop of blonde hair and priestess attire. Who was that?   
  
Filia's melodic voice had caught the ears of Xellos and had broken his concentration. For a moment his stomach lurched, but he regained his composure almost instantaneously. He glanced about, hoping no one caught his momentary display of emotion, (even if that emotion was frustration and disgust.) Xellos struck a cocky pose and laughed boisterously. He called out to the departing priestess, his desire to torment overriding his usually clear thinking.   
  
oh, hello filia...  
  
Filia had heard someone calling her name. _That whiny voice sounds really familiar,_ she thought. _Could it be... nah, I don't think so._  
  
Lina, meanwhile, putting two and two together, placed her hand in her palm. She pulled a 180° and called after the young dragon. "Filia! Hey, Filia!"   
  
She heard another voice calling her, a female voice this time. Turning around, she beheld for the first time Lina and Gourry... and Xellos.   
  
"Lina-san, Gourry-san!"   
  
Gourry smiled at Filia, thoroughly surprised. While glad to see Filia, he didn't expect her to be in the maroon and orange striped temple. Why would she be in there? he contemplated, his facial expressions displaying the same question.   
  
"What are you doing here?" Filia asked vivaciously.   
  
"Hello there, Filia," Xellos interjected, trying to keep a straight face. "How is everything in lizard country?"   
  
Glancing at Xellos, she noticed that he had that infuriating smile on his face again. Control yourself, Filia, she tells herself as she took a calming breath. This is a public place. People will stare at your tail if you get too upset. She faced Lina and Gourry, trying not to even look at the treacherous priest.   
  
"And why is that Mazoku* with you?" she inquired, the tension in her voice quite obvious.   
  
"Sore wa Himitsu!"** Xellos answered predictably. "Wouldn't you like to know, Miss Nosey. I'm merely following orders, as usual... and I'm almost curious as to why the dragon priestess would be here."   
  
Xellos was gleefully watching the veins protrude in Filia's forehead.   
  
Lina glanced from the Mazoku to the Ryuzoku*** and sighed heavily. Not again... every time.... Then it hit her: she hadn't known that Xellos was even with her. She opened her mouth to ask him, but already she knew what she'd be told. Shrugging, she gave a halfhearted smile to Filia.   
  
"Funny meeting you here," she said to the shrine maiden. "And Xellos? Well, we don't pay him any mind unless he's useful to us. So what are you doing in this part of town?"   
  
Glaring angrily at Xellos, Filia suddenly turned her back and ignored him completely... well, almost. She smiled at Lina and Gourry.   
  
"Well, I heard about this place and its famous temples, so I decided to take a look. However, there doesn't seem to be anything of much interest here."   
  
She jabbed a finger towards the tacky-looking temple, clenching her fist and shaking in fury. "And that is one of the worse I've seen. Such gaudy colors! And when I made a humble suggestion to the head priest, he actually asked me to get out! Can you believe such rudeness?! And he dares to call himself a priest?!"   
  
Lina glanced at the oh-so-tacky shrine and chuckled. Filia did have a point, wanting to change the appearance.   
  
"Yeah, I guess. But then again, if people coming and telling you how to change your temple, you would be angry too." She thumbed the building.   
  
But Lina remembered the task at hand. "Say Filia, when you stepped in there today, did you see anything about changing a person or their appearance?"   
  
Filia looked confused at Lina's question.   
  
"Changing a person's appearance? Hmm... I'm not sure. I wasn't in there for a very long time."   
  
  
_Dead end._  
Lina clenched her fist as though she was going to hit something, but it stayed, her wrist moving in a shooing manner.   
  
"Doesn't matter, really.  
  
"But why would you want to change someone's appearance?" Filia said with a puzzled expression on her face.   
  
Lina rubbed her chin as she rocked back on her heels. Questions of where Zel had gone were rushing through her head. Besides, she was getting hungrier by the minute. THAT'S IT!   
  
"Say Filia." Lina gained a ravenous look in her eyes. "How about we go and talk about this over some nice warm food, huh?"   
  
Filia sweat-dropped at Lina's request, remembering Lina and Gourry's combined appetites.   
  
"Er... sure, but I hope that both you and Gourry have enough money to pay for your own meals. And I'm certainly not going to pay for Xellos's meal!"   
  
Lina fell face first into the ground at Filia's words. Groaning from her spot on the ground, she grumbled and whimpered.   
  
"But, Filia, we don't HAVE any money. Gourry spent it all on some stupid wooden duck..."   
  
Wide fiery eyes stared up at Filia pathetically, begging for food since her mouth didn't dare beg for anything. Besides, she almost got anything she wanted by her gorgeous looks. Gourry, meanwhile, was staring at her with watery eyes. His knees started to go weak and his stomach rumbled like a portable earthquake.   
  
The dragonette's eyes softened at the sight of Lina and Gourry at her feet, beads of saliva threatening to flood the earth below.   
  
"Oh, all right," she admitted in defeat, "I'll treat you guys for once... until you get money, ok?"   
  
Lina jumped to her feet, hearts in her eyes.   
  
"Oh thankyouthankthankyou!!"   
  
_Oh dear... this is going to be hard on my pocket,_ thought Filia. _And I wanted to buy more nice vases too!_ Sigh.   
  
Scooping up both Gourry and Filia (being hungry sure makes the laws of physics useless), Lina ran back to the tavern that she'd started the day at (the food there had smelt especially good.) "C'mon, c'mon! Let's go!"   
  
Xellos stood alone in the gaudy temple archway. Damn, he thought with remorse; he hadn't had the chance to deliver a really crushing remark to Filia. Oh well. Taunting Filia was fun and all, but he had his orders... and now he had to attend to some business. His usually cheerful face sobered for a minute as he drifted towards the head priests office. Lina Inverse's problems could wait.   
  
As she was dragged along by the fiery strawberry-blonde, Filia noticed that Xellos was not following them. _Hmm... he's probably up to no good,_ she thought. _I should find out what he intends to do and stop him before he does it... but Lina won't let me go without paying for their meal._ Sigh, _I hope Lina takes pity on my emptying purse_.   


* * *

  
  
Floating to the back door, Xellos read the name carved in the poorly transmuted gold plate (it looked an awful lot like shiny yellow lead.) "Hon. Br. Rimmour."   
  
Xellos jumped through the solid barrier and into a dimly lit office. The inside of the Temple was very much like the outside; the chartreuse green stripes over a floral magenta wallpaper made even the powerful Xellos wince, his eyes rearing in agony. In the corner, behind a bright orange desk, sat a surprisingly young scarecrow of a man in a vivid purple robe and a tall red hat; Xellos presumed him to be the Honorable Brother Rimmour.   
  
The man was stiffly hunched over a mound of paperwork which he was scrawling over frantically, obviously too busy to notice the Mazoku. He looked as if he'd never seen the light of day, his youthful face pasty and pale (& his dull brown hair looking like burnt Astroturf.) He was obviously perturbed or panicked about something, for he took quick breaths, swatted profusely and the nostrils in his long portentous nose flared and contracted violently. Upon observing the evidence, Xellos came to the conclusion that Rimmour was a smeg.   
  
Xellos pretended to clear his voice rather loudly. Brother Rimmour gave a terrified yelp and his papers fell off the desk. Reaching out hysterically to grab them, the Honorable Brother Rimmour slid out of his chair with a very painful "thump".   
  
Xellos just stood there... with a sweat-bead on his forehead.   


* * *

  
  
Plopping both Filia and Gourry down at a round table in the inn, Lina hailed down a waiter. With only a brief glance at the menu, she ordered over half of the entrees (which is far too little from her usual order {she was probably going to order seconds later.}) Rubbing her gloved hands together, she awaited the victuals.   
  
"Ahh, food! I've been dying all day for it!"   
  
She paused for a second, looking to Filia. "So, Filia, have you seen Zel? We were looking for him when we ran into 2 Zel's, but we lost both." She glared at Gourry since it was HIM who was supposed to have captured at least one. "But we were guessing he was in one of those temples. Gourry found a paper that said that gaudy could help people change themselves. Ever heard of anything like it?"   
  
Multiple crashes were heard outside just before Zelgadis came sailing through the tavern wall. He landed atop the table nearest of Lina, Gourry, and Filia. Zelgadis was looking worse for wear while his companions looked significantly alarmed.   
  
The crew viewed looked up at the gaping hole in the tavern wall. Coming through the clouds of dust was a second figure dressed in beige; no wait, dressed identically to Zel! The figure walked over to Zel and lifted him into the air, Zel's body hanging limp in his arms. The conquering figure waited for Zel to struggle.. but the battle was won.  
  
The Zelgadis look alike looked around at the shocked faces of people in the tavern. Only then did he notice: _His face mask was off!_ He quickly used his spare hand to tie the mask back into place.   
  
But Lina had seen: the blue skin, the rocky protrusions, the triangular chin...  
He was Zel's exact copy.  
  
The copy walked away with Zel hanging over his shoulder, never taking notice to the group sitting just feet away.   
  
Jaws hung abound throughout the room.   
  
"Uh, Lina," said Gourry, the first to break the silence. "Do we know two Zelgadis's?"   
  
Filia looked to either side, completely stunned. She just sat at the table, not even drinking her tea.   
  
"Tell me, Lina-san, was that Zelgadis or not? And why are there two of them?"   


* * *

  
  
Back at the office of the Honorable Brother Rimmour, Xellos had made his presence apparent and the young priest had grown severely frightened.   
  
"Who the hell are you?" he stammered crossly. "How did you get in here?? I'll have you know, Laddy, I hold audiences by appointment only!! That's IT! You've made **The List**!"   
  
Brother Rimmour withdrew a pocket-sized booklet from his robes and a small pencil from under his hat and scribbled fanatically, muttering;   
  
"Purple-haired Freak, disturbing inventory accounting of new shipment of Dragon rectums...and being sneaky. Name..." He looked up, his nostrils flaring.   
  
"Name and occupation, my good fruitcake?"   
  
Xellos gave him half a smile. _Just wait,_ he thought.   
  
"Xellos... Mazoku Priest/General."   
  
"Ah...very good. Xellos... Is that with a 'Z'?....Mazo-......." There was an awkward pause.   
  
......   
......   
......   
  
Br. Rimmour closed the book, his pale face having turned green and his eyes unusually large.   
  
"Ah......well, my 4:00 canceled, so I suppose I can spare my time."   
  
Xellos grinned with malicious delight at his associate's fear. "How fortunate. I'm surprised to see you here; I was under the impression that this temple was run by Brother Kitshen."   
  
It was Brother Rimmour's turn to smile... a rather twisted one that actually made Xellos jump a little.   
  
"We're under new management," said the priest.   
  
The Honorable Brother Rimmour offered a seat, but Xellos politely refused, explaining that he "looked more imposing in the half light if he was standing rather than sitting." Once again the Mazoku's playful continence went deadly serious.   
  
"I need to ask you about the Cockatrice Blood..."   


* * *

  
  
END OF EPISODE 1  
  
Join us next time for...   
THE WOES OF A SORCERY GENIUS  
  
*GLOSSARY*   
********************************************************************************   
  
Mazoku*   
The destructive race linked to Ruby Eye Shabrinigdo. In most English translations, they have been called the "Monster" race.   
  
"Sore wa Himitsu"**   
In English, "That is a secret"; Xellos's famous phrase.   
  
Ryuzoku***   
The Dragon race, in every way the opposite of the Mazoku race.   


* * *

  
**  
GIGAWORKS** is **  
A-chan:** "Voice" of Lina Inverse, Moderator **  
Paper Tiger:** "Voice" of Gourry Gabriev, Editor **  
Jia Re Meng:** "Voice" of Xellos and Rimmour, Illustrator (and all-around Smart-ass) **  
White Knight:** "Voice" of Zelgadis 1&2, Website Designer **  
Moonhawk:** "Voice" of Filia, (And Voice of Reason) 


	2. The Woes of A Sorcery Genius

SLAYERS FOREVER   
(The Madness Continues!)  
by the crazed individuals of Giga-Works*  
  
*We can take credit for none of the characters or elements presented below. All of them are copyright H. Kanzaka / R. Araizumi: Even the dead ones!   
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
EPISODE #2: The Woes of A Sorcery Genius   
Version 1.1   
1/17/03  
  
Friar Mikshann bounced about the Temple of Restoration with the air of a bumblebee (and with the shape to match.) He stroked his short beard in between large bites from a buttered scone. Pausing for a moment at one of the collection boxes, he carefully looked over either shoulder... before helping himself to a gracious handful from the box's contents. His eyes darted once more to either side and he drew the scone close to his corny grin.   
  
"I am not very pleased by the way you manage funds," a calm voice rang menacingly from the shadows.   
  
"Do you know who you're talkin' to, buddy?!" the fat priest yelled back. He preferred his intruders well-lit.   
  
"Not quite," the voice admitted, "but perhaps you know me."   
  
The scone fell to the floor as the stranger stepped into the light. The Friar's chins sank, his knees instinctively dropping to the floor.   
  
"F-f-f-f-fu-founding Father!" he stammered. His hands flew from his pockets into a praying clasp (and in doing so, several coins fell out of the robes.) A look of guilt and terror flooded over him.   
  
The founder smiled at the display, but he motioned for the wretch to stand. His voice was soft, but burdened by a touch of urgency.   
  
"I can easily overlook this... snag. I do, however, have very pressing business to attend to. Have you carried out my instructions in the letter? _To_ the letter?"   
  
A bead of sweat trickled down the groveling priest's face, stopped only by his goatee. He desperately opened his mouth in his defense, but only boggy air escaped. Wiping off his palms, he finally mustered the courage to look the visitor in the face.  
  
"Well, N-no, but we have our best man on it."   
  
"And who would that-"   
  
The founder stopped himself, immediately realizing who their "best man" was.   
  
"Splendid."  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The only thing keeping the jaws of Lina, Filia, and Gourry from hitting the floor was the table they sat at. Moments ago, Zelgadis had been thrown into the inn ... by another Zelgadis! After seconds of scuffling, one Zelgadis dragged the other out a colossal hole in the wall.   
  
A completely confused Lina stared blankly at the breach in the wall. Now she KNEW she wasn't seeing things. Earlier today on the rooftop, she thought Xellos was up to his usual dirty tricks. But this... this was the truth of it now.   
  
Jumping up, she put one hand on her hip and the other with a single index finger pointing to the sky.   
  
"C'mon Gourry, Filia! We have to go and help, Zelgadis (which ever one he is...)"   
  
She jumped over the dented table and ran to the door, her black cape fluttering behind her. A dry cough from back at the table caught her attention.   
  
Gourry was pointing subtly at an empty space on the table, specifically the area between his fork and knife. Lina trembled slightly as her stomach snarled.   
  
"Then again," Lina said as she slid back into her seat, "We don't want to rush into things."   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
There's a saying at the Temple of Alchemy... _The Customer is always right (unless they're a git)._   
Mazoku Priest/Generals could easily be considered gits.  
  
Brother Rimmour's lips pursed and his face was almost serious. With each second that he was subject to Xellos's overly smug grin, another involuntary spasm contorted his face.   
  
"The cockatrice blood....... ah... well.... we don't have it any more... at the present."   
  
Xellos's happy, cheerful eyes slowly opened, revealing two dark cesspools of violet.   
  
"That would be bad news for you indeed." The tone in his voice had changed from Xellos's normal genkiness to a cold and metallic one.   
  
Br. Rimmour, rather than being frightened, drew him self up, nostrils flaring. He stood up indignantly, taking Xellos completely by surprise for the second time that afternoon.   
  
"Well, sorry to disrupt your hunt for an exotic lubricant, but I'm afraid it's not my problem, you Satan's-little-helper! It has been stolen by the Temple of Restoration (ugly goits), AND, according to Alchemy Temple Block Directive 4912, is no longer my jurisdiction and/or concern. Now go pester them! I'm sure they'd enjoy your little S & M show much better than I would. Now... Smeg off!"   
  
The Honorable Brother Rimmour sat down with a huff and continued processing inventory for the newly arrived dragon rectums.   
  
Xellos was torn between complete and utter surprise, and the overwhelming desire to turn the Honorable Brother Rimmour's face inside out. Instead, he remembered his orders just in time and tried to collect himself (not without twitching violently.)   
  
"mustn't be harmed..." Xellos muttered to himself over and over again.....   
  
Br. Rimmour looked up from his paperwork. "You still here?They sell fuzzy hand cuffs and whips at the gift store, 'Father Frootloop.' Now get out before I transmute your hair into prawn curry! Tah-tah!"   
  
Xellos cursed audibly and "shah"ed himself away... "accidentally" setting fire to Brother Rimmour's wallpaper.   
  
Reappearing in the dusty street, Xellos desperately needed to vent some anger... by tormenting his favorite playmates, of course.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Hanging limp from the severe beating that the look-alike chimera had inflicted, Zelgadis looked at the ground and wondered where he was being taken. Suddenly tossed to the cobblestone road, he could vaguely see a figure- no, **two** figures standing over him. All he could observe about this new person (from the vantage point of the cobblestones) was that he was clothed in a deep red robe.   
  
"Did you do what I requested?" the robed figure asked. Try as he might, Zelgadis couldn't place the voice amongst the jackhammers in his head. His voice was, however, young but deep.   
  
"Yes, and I even got a little extra." The chimera copycat kicked Zelgadis in the side.   
  
Zelgadis felt the pain twice over- his double even _sounded_ like him!   
  
"Very good, now give it to me,"   
  
The doppleganger revealed a glass bottle, only to recoil it immediately. Both of these men seemed to want it.  
  
"So tell me," the double asked with a grin, "What's so special about this blood? It has no power to change me back, and we both know what that means. I keep it until you provide your part."   
  
"What?! Cross me, and you will not see this **hour** through! **Now GIVE IT to ME!!**"   
  
The chimera nonchalantly put the bottle back in his cloak and turned away from the man. "NO." Starting to walk away, he paused for a moment and swiveled around.   
  
"Oh," he chuckled, motioning to the immobile Zelgadis, "and you _can_ keep him. Just place him in a sunny window and water him periodically." He promptly dashed away and faded out of Zelgadis's sight.   
  
"Damn that arrogant fool, I'll have him flayed." The volume of the robed man's voice lowered. "But how?"   
  
Starting to pace, the Anonymous nearly tripped over Zelgadis, who had been attempting to stand up.   
  
"That's IT! You, on your feet." He lightly kicked Zel, obtaining the opposite effect by tipping Zelgadis over.   
  
"My, he did do a number on you, didn't he? Well, next time you will be prepared."   
  
The young man heaved Zel's arm across his shoulder. The last thing Zelgadis noticed before he swirled into unconsciousness was that he was being lugged towards Temple Row.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
"Finally!" Gourry and Lina said in unison as the gargantuan trays of food were brought to the table. Puddles of drool had begun to accumulate on the floor.   
  
Considering Gourry was devouring the entrees even before the waiters could place them on the table, he was not in his most observant of modes. He did not notice the miniature ripple in Filia's cup of tea. He did not notice a faint rumbling, crescendoing with every second. But Gourry, even while trying to shove a 2 foot side of ribs, 2 four inch pork chops, and an 8 inch chicken breast into his 5 inch mouth, couldn't miss **this**-  
  
A crowd of four dozen screaming teenage girls gushed through the hole in the wall towards Lina & company. Each wearing red clothes striped white, yellow tube-tops, black headbands, dark shoulder pads, and billowing black capes- of all body shapes and sizes, blondes and brunettes (though half were redheads, natural or not), and of various young ages, they all screamed with ecstasy at the site of Lina Inverse. They swarmed around her, praising her, asking for her autograph, trying to steal her boots. Lina was engulfed by her fan club.   
  
Yes, even Gourry noticed.   
  
Lina screamed as the mob of other Lina's surrounded her, begging for autographs and pulling on her clothes. _Since when did I have a fan club?_   
  
Filia, who had escaped trampling by dodging under the overladen table, calmly continued sipping her tea as if occurrences like this happened everyday (which they did.) _I do wish that they would hurry up with their eating and all,_ she thought, sighing. _We'll never manage to get anything done at this rate. _  
  
Jumping up into the rafters, Lina stared down at the ravenous fans. Nearby she could see a whimpering Gourry and, under the table, an unusually calm Filia.   
  
"Gourry! Filia!" she called out. "We need to go and help Zel!"   
  
Jumping to the floor just beyond the Lina-ettes' reach, Lina bolted for the door. She glanced back over her shoulder and past her black cape to yell, "C'MON, GOURRY! FILIA!"   
  
Lina's exit was suddenly blocked off by a Purple-haired figure who "shah"ed directly in front of her.  
  
LADIES! SHE'S OVER HERE! Xellos decreed to the masses.  
  
There was a momentary lull in the restaurant, as three dozen cosplayers stopped their dog piling and turned their heads. Like the passing of a hurricane's eye, Lina found herself mauled by an explosion of noise and a surge of human bodies.  
  
Xellos, of course, was now laughing his ass off. His shrill nasal laughter echoed throughout the building at the sight of the throng fighting over Lina's sweatband.   
  
"Why Lina, you don't seem to be enjoying your fame," he managed to say through his obnoxious hooting. He tried to say something else but was cut off by another fit of giggles. He eventually had trouble standing and resorted to hanging/rocking back and forth in the air, laughing hysterically.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Just as Friar Mikshann felt despair and anguish grip him by his large neck, who should enter the Temple but the young man, Mikshann's "best man, draped in red.  
  
Mikshann hitched up his robe slightly and waddled to where the young man was standing, completely ignoring the unconscious Zelgadis on the marble floor. His smile dimmed as he heard the chanting of monks in the neighboring rooms.   
  
"Welcome to the Temple Of Restoration," Mikshann said in to the young man, all the while holding a finger to his lips so that he'd know they weren't safe to talk. "How may I be of Service?"   
  
The young man looked at him calmly and then gestured towards Zel.  
  
"Not me, it's for him."   
  
The clergyman took one look at the unconscious Zelgadis and became furious. He picked Zel up off the floor and held him at eye level (surprising what you can do when you're mad.)   
  
"GIVE IT BACK THIS INSTANT, BUB!" he shouted at Zelgadis, who just wobbled about in his hands like a noodle. Friar Mikshann turned to the anonymous young man and let Zelgadis drop to the floor.   
  
"I refuse to treat this-this... monstrosity."   
  
"Well, why not?"   
  
"Because he stole a very unique item that, until most recently, had been in my possession."   
  
The young man stirred slightly. "And what would that be?"   
  
"A bottle of Cockatrice Blood."   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Lina, drowning in the mass of Lina-ettes, glared at the laughing Xellos. She should have known better- of course it was Xellos, causing this amount of trouble._ And I'm almost sure HE'S the one in charge of these double Zels._   
  
It had been at that point when she noticed that someone had taken her sweatband. That ticked her off. Nobody, and I mean NOBODY, touched the sweatband of Lina Inverse, the sorcery genius.   
  
"Freeze Bleed!"   
  
The Lina-ettes in her immediate vicinity froze where they stood, her spiffy little spell having blasted them to the core. Snatching her sweatband, Lina crawled out of the statues and glared at Xellos.   
  
"I bet you found that funny, didn't you, Xellos? Well, let's see how you like this!"   
  
With her speed and agility (my, my, such an ego Lina-san ^.^) she grabbed Xellos into a headlock. "Now, tell me what you know!" She emphasized her point by clamping down hard on his neck.   
  
Gourry, meanwhile, felt it more pressing that they track down and rescue Zelgadis (from... Zelgadis.) Gourry sprang into action- literally. His powerful legs bounced him along the ground, sending Lina-ettes flying like tenpins. His lunge took him under the table to scoop up Filia, bouncing off the far inn wall, and landing him next to Lina. He grabbed Lina around her slim waist and jumped past Xellos, over the crowd, and out the hole in the wall. His hair blowing majestically, he shouted into the night air: "Wetssh Shayve Zewl!"   
  
Apparently, Gourry had been able to perform such a feat of agility with a turkey leg in his mouth.   
  
A block down from the restaurant, Gourry slowed to a halt, breathing deeply through a smile and a drumstick. The dragoness Filia, you see, is a lot heavier than you would expect (and Lina only **looks** petite.) Gourry's smile faded when he heard a low rumbling behind him. Over his shoulder he barely made out a dust cloud, caused by a swarm of screaming Lina fans. Xellos floated above the crowd, laughing.   
  
"Oh Shyth," he said through the turkey leg.   
  
Filia glared angrily at the laughing Xellos and at the howling mob of Lina-ettes. The growl within her crescendoed while she struggled out of Gourry's grip.   
  
"I've had enough of this!! Mazoku namagomi!!"   
  
Holding her hands in front of her, she closed her eyes and concentrated. Lina, meanwhile, was about to beat Gourry's head in for holding her by the waist, but the thought quickly fled her mind when she saw Filia become infused with a golden light, transforming into her dragon-form. Lina's fiery eyes widened in fear.   
  
Dragon-Filia turned towards Xellos and smirked. "Flame breath!!"   
  
Pushing from Gourry, Lina picked Gourry up over_ her_ own head and started running for her life. She didn't want to bother with her fans nor an angry golden dragon.   
  
"Hurry, Gourry! Go! Go! Go!"   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
The impostor Zelgadis dropped from the skylight onto the black marble floor of the Temple of Restoration. His head darted to either side.... good, no one heard him enter. But he did here something- footsteps, approaching at a casual pace. He crept behind a column and waited.  
  
Not-Zelgadis quivered slightly with anticipation.   
  
At the other end of the chamber was the young man in red and the slug Mikshann, both bickering childishly about something. Not-Zel loosened his bite on the slender dagger in his teeth, withdrawing it slowly.  
  
It was too perfect, easier than killing fish in a   
  
... small container.   
  
But before the perfect moment presented itself, the ground-shook and a deafening roar drowned out everything else. Not-Zel took a step back and from the cover of a column peered at his two targets. The young man and Friar Mikshann had felt the explosive force too, and they looked about frantically... or to be more accurate, the young man in red robes looked about while the Friar cried like a girl and fell on his face (not to mention on top of the unconscious Zelgadis.)  
  
Even though he couldn't see his face, Not-Zelgadis could feel the robed one's intensity. The anonymous young man barked a final word to Mikshann before the youth ran further into the temple. Not-Zelgadis stopped himself from intercepting- his target had too much of a head start.  
  
Mikshann looked up from the limp Zel (OUR Zel) as another blast shook the temple. He didn't seem to notice Not-Zelgadis in the same room, his fist imbedded in a pillar.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Lina (never one to pay attention to where she was going) had wound up on the Temple Row, and, thanks to her amazing luck with chance and game, ran into the exact temple where Zel (both of them, mind you- there isn't just one unhappy chimera anymore,) was. She was clearly confused.   
  
"Eeeeeh????"  
  
Gourry panted down the street, following Lina's trail of dust. The trail led Gourry straight into the Temple of Restoration: an ominous black-marble ziggurat, spiking into the night sky as though to stab the gods. But the 10 on the mess-myself-meter had to be the glowing red beacon at the ziggurat peak, never blinking, never fading. _What is she, nuts?_  
  
Gourry sighed and followed after Lina.  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Xellos was having his first bad day in what must have been centuries. Between the cockatrice blood, the double Zels, the Honorable Brother Rimmour and the misconceptions of Lina Inverse, it had been a pretty crappy day thus far. Mind you, he had been cut in half, crushed, folded, spindled and mutilated before, but that had all been according to **plan**!   
  
Xellos materialized in Lina's face, tapping his staff once upon the Temple of Restoration's marble floor. Over the not too-distant shouting of the Lina-ettes and the rampage of Filia, Xellos _still_ managed to say something sarcastic.   
  
"So you didn't like your little fan club? I can't figure you sometimes. What I wouldn't give to have girls crawling over me," he added, the last part with a wicked grin. "Well, I suppose I have to give you some hints or this _damn_ day might never end!"   
  
He was getting rather weary of the whole idea, so he massaged his temples and began his explanation, all the while too frazzled to notice the 'Zelgadi' behind him. He paused for a moment and started his explanation.   
  
"I was sent by the Mistress Zelas-Metallium to retrieve an item of great power, and upon arriving at its station, I found it had been stolen and is now at this Temple. I need **you**, Lina Inverse, to help me get it back."   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
After randomly casting Flame Breath a few dozen times, Filia looked around her and realized that Xellos, Lina and Gourry had disappeared. The only people left were the somewhat toasted members of the Lina fan club.   
  
"Lina-san?! Gourry-san?! Hmm... I wonder where they went to..."   
  
Shrugging, Filia flapped her great wings and took to the air. She found her way to the Temple Row and happened to see Gourry as he dashed into the Temple of Restoration. She changed back to her human form and hastily stepped into the temple.   
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
Lina blinked several times, surprised at Xellos's words. Then again, she knew better, and immediately crossed her arms over her chest.   
  
"You... need MY help?" Her gaze narrowed. "Just WHAT do you need my help with? But whatever it is, you know its going to cost you."   
  
Xellos was about to say yes, but his pride got the better of him.   
  
"No, I don't NEED your help, but I'm pretty sure your friend Zelgadis (or one of him anyway) has something to do with this...   
  
...he may not be on your side this time."   
  
Xellos paused for a moment so Lina could absorb this. She blinked, not quite sure what to think.   
  
  
  
Xellos waved his staff around at the red tapestries and obsidian doorways inside the ziggurat. He stated that somewhere inside that structure was his objective, and he had to find out where it was and how to get it back. His face suddenly split into a cheerful grin.   
  
"I'll give you a reward when we're done!"   
  
NOT ON YOUR LIFE!!! yelled Filia, slamming the temple door shut behind her. She quickly set herself between the two and glared at Lina.   
  
"Lina-san! Don't do it! I'm very sure he's up to no good!"   
  
Xellos was getting very pissed off. He started to mentally count to ten, but he then recognized a perfect target to vent his steam upon. He already started to feel better.   
  
"Filia, Lina already knows I'm up to no good; I'm just asking if she wants in or out. And, if we're gonna start pointing fingers, I'm sure Lina would _love_ to know why a Dragon Priestess would come so far to see the Temple of Alchemy... I'm sure it wasn't just the tasteless decor that drew you inside."   
  
Xellos waggled his finger accusingly at Filia and clucked his tongue.   
  
Bit by bit, Not-Zelgadis had become overwhelmingly furious- particularly at Xellos, so cocky, so high and mighty. Stealthy as a cat, Not-Zel sidestepped across the marble floor... straight into a pillar. He quickly climbed to his feet and his eyes focused yet again on Xellos's back.   
  
"That's it," Not-Zel roared. "Get your purple hair out of my sight or bite the dust!"   
  
Until that point, most of those present had completely forgotten all about Zelgadis- the genuine and the fake. The angry doppleganger started casting an enchantment on his sword, eying Xellos angrily all the while. Neither Filia nor the Mazoku Priest seemed to notice nor care, completely locked in a heated argument.   
  
"So why _were_ you at the Alchemy temple huh?" Xellos asked, continuing his taunting. "If the Ryuzoku are so hard up for cash that they need to transmute things," *sigh* "Well, you are a pitiable race after all."   
  
Xellos took a handful of coins from his pouch and let them drop on the floor.   
  
"Here... spend it in good health." He could hardly contain his glee.   
  
Her right eyebrow twitching, Filia stared angrily at the coins that Xellos offered her and clenched her fists in fury. The grinding of her teeth overpowered the sound of Not-Zel's battle cry.  
  
"For your information, Mazoku namagomi, what I was doing this afternoon is none of your business whatsoever. And... here's what I think of your pathetic coins... FLAME BREATH!!"   
  
Xellos grinned again and "shah"ed out of the projected path of Filia's Flame Breath. The bright flames shot past and managed to hit the charging Not-Zelgadis, engulfing him in flames.   
  
Xellos reappeared next to Filia. "AGAIN with the dragon violence. You really can't help it, can you? Hmm... I wonder if Golems burn... I guess we'll find out."   
  
One Zel was clearly burnt extra well and the other being sat upon by a portly priest. Lina was slowly getting irritated. Filia's shouts towards Xellos were becoming annoying.   
  
"OKAY!!" Lina said, turning to Xellos. "Fine, I'll help you, but only if it helps Zelgadis out. And the Zel being OUR Zelgadis."   
  
Before Filia could start up, Lina put her hand up in silence and dragged the smoking Zelgadis over to a corner. With a look of sheer determination and, presumably, craziness, she dropped the next to his twin.   
  
"Start explaining and start right now or I'm Dragon Slave-ing you to L-sama herself," Lina exclaimed with her usual subtle approach.   
  
"He's a Copy," a voice rang calmly from the neighboring room. Lina could hear the footsteps of the speaker drawing closer and closer, in addition to... a very familiar sound...   
  
Clack.  
JINGLE.  
Clack.  
JINGLE.  
  
"The Zelgadis you know and love (don't ask me how), is only a 50% chimera. Even with that small amount, he has become bitter and impatient- no doubt you have noticed.   
  
"The other is a copy made from Zelgadis's blood. I turned him into a 100% Full Fledged Chimera, with more power than he could possible control. Soon he will become physically and psychologically unstable. He's already started to degrade."   
  
  
Clack.  
JINGLE.  
Clack.  
JINGLE.  
  
Walking into the room was none other than Rezo the Red Priest. His eyes were closed, but he was looking directly at Lina Inverse. His robes were red, purple, and black, the same color as the temple.   
  
"Now, once I get the Cockatrice Blood, we will be unstoppable."   
  
"Your eminence!" a voice broke out from the corner. Everyone turned to see Friar Mikshann attempting to stand up for himself. "T-the blood... I can s-still get-"   
  
"Leave, Mikshann," Rezo said without turning his head.   
  
"W-what do you want me-"   
  
"Collect alms, go on a pilgrimage, I don't care! Just leave."   
  
"Of course, founding father."   
  
Despite the fact he was too large to miss, the Friar's exit went unnoticed.   
  
Lina looked from Zel, to Zel, to Rezo, and then back to the Zels, and finally back to Rezo. Now her day was complete. Xellos was being a pain, there were two (no, not just one, TWO!) Zels, Rezo was back for the, what is it now, THIRD time, and she STILL hadn't eaten. _What did I do to deserve this?_   
  
"Curse those unoriginal writers," she muttered to herself.   
  
Rezo smiled smugly. "If it ain't broke, don't fix it."   
  
Lina put her hands on her hips, staring at Rezo with increasing temper.   
  
"Let me get this straight- You make a copy of Zelgadis, thinking you can control him better than the original, and then realized that you can't FULLY control him only after you sent him after this Cockatrice Blood you so dearly want... Seems very foolish to me. Besides, why make an even stronger version of a vengeful Zelgadis? He could rise against you and kill you, you know. He does have quite a hunger for revenge."   
  
Lina grinned smugly at her ability to put an entire situation in just a few sentences. It almost faltered when she remembered Xellos's request for her help. _Uh-oh.... don't tell me we're going to have a whole 'nother "Clair Bible" hunt... _  
  
The young man from earlier appeared from behind Rezo. The deep red rope he wore was not unlike Rezo's. He stepped next to the Red Priest and took a long look at the people gathered before him. With a swift motion, the young man threw back his hood to revel himself- Our heroes stared in awe at an un-transformed Zelgadis!   
  
Xellos's hand scratched his head, thoughtfully. His eyebrows arched terrifically high and a bead of sweat graced his brow.   
  
"Uhh...this was unexpected."   
  
Lina's jaw touched the floor at the human Zel's entrance. She had only dealt with a chimeric Zel, so seeing him in his uncorrupted form was a total shock. A slight blush graced her cheeks, but it quickly faded. He obviously wasn't her Zel. He would never dress like the man he hated. NEVER.   
  
"So... there are three now. Great... that's just great. Gimmee a break!" she said, throwing her hands in the air with frustration. _Now what am I going to do?   
  
_She looked to Xellos.   
  
"What do you mean you didn't expect this? You are supposed to know what's going on!" Little steam trails lifted off her head. This was NOT her ideal day...   
  
Xellos reared his head around irritably at Lina.   
  
"What do you mean I'm supposed to know what's going on??? I'm not Omniscient!"   
  
" yet." he added, thoughtfully.   
  
Filia, now utterly confused, leaned close to Lina and whispered,   
  
"Isn't that guy in the red robes the Red Priest Rezo? He seems to know you guys... And who's that Zel-lookalike with him? What's going on here, Lina-san??"   
  
Xellos tried desperately to regain his cool. He was thoroughly confused, but not overly concerned. This was a setback to his mission, but not one to worry about. Then again, there were four powerful entities there, one of them definitely not a force to underestimate. Word also had it that Rezo was not the most cooperative of guys. If he stood in Xellos's way... well... that bridge would be crossed when it was arrived at.   
  
What intrigued Xellos was who Rezo was... he definitely was a copy.... but who would make another copy?   
  
"damn..." Xellos muttered, "this is getting annoying."   
  
Rezo was turned to the human Zelgadis beside him, completely ignoring the bickering and questions of the insects.   
  
"Who do YOU think we should start-" Rezo cut himself off with a laugh, his hand moving to the back of his head.   
  
"I keep forgetting, you've never met most of them. Allow me to introduce them to you."   
  
His staff pointed to Gourry, whose jaw was STILL touching the ground. "He is Gourry Gabriev, the above-average wielder of the famous Sword of Light."   
  
The staff moved to Filia. "I've never heard her voice before, but judging by her elocution and flame breath, she's likely to be a Golden Dragon."   
  
His staff then pointed to the unconscious Zelgadis. "This was the original Copy- the first human Rezo made with Chimeric form... and _attitude_."   
  
Speaking to the Human Zel behind him, he tried to emphasize the irony of the situation. "For the past few years, this Copy has been wandering over this entire continent, all the while believing he was the original."   
  
He then turned to the charred Zelgadis. "This is the more recent Copy, the one I created shortly after you made me."  
  
We've met, the human Zel said bitterly.   
  
The tone in Rezo's voice turned from playful to deadly serious.   
  
"Lastly, we have the juvenile Lina Inverse..." She could hear his grip on the staff tighten, "... and what appears to be the Mazoku priest Xellos."  
  
For the first time, Rezo addressed Lina and her friends, his staff pointing to the Human Zelgadis.   
  
"Allow me to introduce.....   
  
the One and Only Zelgadis."   
  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
------------------------------------------------------------------------  
  
END OF EPISODE 2   
  
Join us next time for...   
  
THREE CERTAINLY IS A CROWD  
  
or  
  
ABSOLUT ZELDADIS  
  
**It's unquestionably confusing!!!**  
  
******************************************************************************************** **  
GIGAWORKS** is **  
A-chan:** "Voice" of Lina Inverse, Moderator **  
Paper Tiger:** "Voice" of Gourry Gabriev and Rezo, Editor **  
Jia Re Meng:** "Voice" of Xellos and Rimmour (the list will grow), Illustrator (and all-around Smart-ass)**  
White Knight:** "Voice" of Zel, Not-Zel, and Human Zel, Web Designer **  
Moonhawk:** "Voice" of Filia, (And Voice of Reason) 


End file.
